On this day 22 years ago, my life changed forever…..
I gave birth to my first born. The light of my life. My beautiful daughter.
From the very beginning, I was amazed at how much I could love. Yes, I love my husband, but I’m sure that other Moms out there will understand what I am saying.
Amanda came into the world after a very long and difficult labor. If I had been an animal of lesser intelligence, I probably would have left her then and there after going through what I thought was hell to bring her into the world. You see, my MD (sorry butt that he was!) didn’t want to come in to deliver her although she was already 10 days over due. He had the nurses to give me something to stop my labor. But you see, Miss Amanda has never been one to be told ‘No’ (much like me I’m sure Chris will tell you), she was determined to see the world. Because I had been given that other drug, they said I couldn’t have anything for pain. OMG – lol yeah I can laugh now, 22 years after the fact! Anyway, it was love at first sight. I won’t say it’s all been roses and sweet songs. In fact, it’s been messy, crazy, painful, and downright ugly at times. But the sheer wonder of the good times – and believe me when I say they were plentiful, overtakes and shadows the bad.
We made it without either of us being permanently damaged, so I guess I did ok.
I wish now that I had known how quickly the time would pass. I wish that I had taken more time off work and spent more time with both her and Kyle.
I miss those days so bad sometimes it’s a physical hurt. I miss the basketball and softball games, riding horses – just me and her, long talks, and hugs. I still see that little girl with cornrows in her hair trying with all her might to ring that basket. I still hear her in the back seat sometimes yelling “Bingo” when I pass a pasture with horses. I still turn around sometimes to say something to her, thinking she’s there in my shadow like she was for so long. I can’t ever roll down the windows in the vehicle without the echos of her tiny voice saying “you blow me away!!” ring in the back of my mind. Sometimes I still wake in the night listening for her to come walking down the hall. I see her on her horse when I ride the trails that we used to ride.
She’s all grown up now, married and on her own, but she will always be my baby, no matter how old she gets.
So here’s to you Amanda Kay Gilliland Wiseman aka “Manda”. I love you with all my heart, I’m very proud of the woman you’ve become, and nothing you could ever do can change that.
With her beloved Ladd
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